“The wounds I received at that time are urging me to help.
I'm sorry I couldn't protect me, I'm sorry I blamed myself, I held on to the feelings I couldn't say for so long.”

 

In January, live-streaming on Instagram. She sang her own song, "Kizuna no Hana (Flower of Wounds)," with her elongated voice. Last year, on the 20th anniversary of her debut, singer/songwriter Hiroka Ashiki (formerly Misaki), 38, of Azumino, disclosed that she was sexually assaulted at the age of 17. I want to tell people who have also experienced sexual abuse, "It's not your fault," she said.

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In 1985, she was born in Matsumoto, Nagano Prefecture. Her first memory of singing was improvising songs such as "Sora no Uta" (Song of the Sky) and "Kaze no Uta" (Song of the Wind) when she was 2 or 3 years old. She was active in a local junior choir. She aspired to go to music college, but gave that up due to financial circumstances.

 

It was in February 2003, the winter of her sophomore year of high school, that she was sexually assaulted. She saw a bulletin board on the Internet asking for music friends and contacted the organizer. The man who showed up picked her up, told her to practice singing, and took her to his car and  to his room. She felt like she was stepped into a place close to the source of life. She was too scared to do anything. Unable to talk to anyone, she blamed herself, saying, "If I hadn't gone along with him at that time..." 

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When I sing, I feel a release of something inside me," she said. She began singing on the street in front of Matsumoto Station and wrote her first song, "Hoshi Honoka. Later, based in Chino City, she released songs inspired by the Suwa-taisha Onbashira Festival and the Jomon Period under the name "Misaki". She also composed the official theme song for the Nagano Technical Olympics and Abilympics 2012 and appeared in commercials for companies.

 

Even though she acted in good spirits, the trauma followed her. She experienced symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), such as pain in her solar plexus and flashbacks that brought back memories. She became depressed and sometimes wished she could disappear. She sang songs about nature and peace, and people who listened to her said, "You are a healer," but "I thought my true self was dirty.

 

She became independent from her agency in 2021 and decided that she wanted to "be herself" without putting away her pain, which was triggered by the spread of the "#MeToo" movement to report sexual assault.

 

She went to counseling and tried several methods, such as "hugging herself. She shared her 15 methods that helped her recover on her Instagram page. She said, "I think there are still a lot of women out there who are holding on to their anger and holding on to it. I want to take a step forward to make the world a place where people can feel happy to have lived".

 

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 "I am going to take a step forward to make the world a better place to live”.

 

According to the prefectural police, among the criminal offenses identified in the prefecture last year, the number of cases of "non-consensual sexual intercourse," for which the requirements for conviction were revised with the enforcement of the revised penal code in July, increased by 19 from the previous year to 30, while the number of cases of "non-consensual indecency" rose by 18 to 52. However, this is just the tip of the iceberg. Many people cry themselves to sleep because of fear or prejudice.

 

What gnaws at the wounds of victims and prevents them from filing charges are the voices of those around them saying, "Forget about it," and the bashing on social networking sites (SNS). Yuka Ooka, 46, associate professor of health and welfare at Mukogawa Women's University, who works to support victims, points out that "victims of sexual violence are prone to develop PTSD. In order not to isolate them, she says, "It is important to expand understanding and support for trauma throughout society.

 

This September, she will release a self-produced album. The song “Kizu no Hana,” which will be included in the album, expresses her wish for a society without sexual violence and for the emotional rebirth of the victims. She plans to start a self-help group in Matsumoto by the end of this year.

 

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"My Flower of Wounds. If there is a day when the flower of my wounds is swollen, it will be when I can protect your heart somewhere crying, and you don't have to be afraid, because no one will blame you anymore.So I'm voicing this wound now”

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(Kyoko  Yoshio)